Tuesday, June 9, 2009

I don't know ANYMORE

Well there you go. I have been trying to think about my life. Well again I am here. I don't know. I have no idea where I am and what I am doing. I know that I want to continue my Education road. I know that's something I don't want to change. But I try to talk it out to my pal and that's something I feel isn't working. I just can't talk to anybody about my problems. Here we are less then 4 days away from my 20th birthday party and I am having regrets and that loss of words. I don't know where we are going and if there should be a we at all, but I know my pals are something I think about too much. Rubie not going to my birthday party. Hmmm how is that different from any other year. But this year it happens, we are going to the beach. and I don't even know if I can take my bestie along for the ride. but he was there for the time when I turned 19, that nice pool party and then again when I turned 18, my super suprise birthday party, that year we had trouble coming out the nose and still not too many people know but jared has been there from the begining. The only one to show up other then my other pal Martin. But back to my thoughts. I know I run the risk but its worth it. Nobody reads this. I don't know. First its slow then its reverse then kicks into full throttle. I have no idea what I want anymore. I just don't know how to fucking speak my mind to anybody. When it comes down to it the only one that got me because he has been through possibly more then me would be Richard. Its just I don't know anymore.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

I Miss My Bubbie. BFFF, I hope...

It almost time for the Collective to be reunited and when it does it will never be the same. I know I will have to let go sooner or later but I hope its never. I mean he is my best friend. That friendship that where everybody looks out for each other back. The kind where there are no arguments but very powerful debates. The kind you where you just know that no matter what happens in the future there is no one in the world who can replace him. He is 99.9% of my Social Life. If you check my phone he would be the most texts received and the most calls sent. And this Sooner crap, the stuff that kills friendships, has no place in my heart. I know nobody reads my blog but I just like it when I am able to express the thoughts in this clouded mind of mine. I call him Bubbie. I treat him more like a brother then I do my own brothers but hey it can't hurt. I wanted this friendship to be the one where there was never anything wrong to say but people are wrong, Life is just like Sims The Second Installment. Sure you might be best friends and one second you can tell dirty jokes and the next second its a negative. I guess all friendships are doomed at one point or another. I jut hope its not ours. Long Distance no prob. We just have to work harder. 7 years later I want to add 10 more, is there some kind of Friendship Renewal Thingy I am missing out on? Best Fucking Friends Forever.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

The lost for words

Its that lost of words. that point where everything you wanted to say just couldn't come out. It wouldn't. Like a mind of its own, jumbled in a knot, told you that it just can't find the words to explain. It never easy to be yourself for fear the other might reject and again alone you re in the dangerous circle of life. Powerful things have always been done by the use of words, but in the simple moment of intense hormones you find yourself at that lost of words. Even when the feelings are mutual you never really know why the other side is feeling the way it is. Never knowing that if the same feelings are balanced between two objects. But maybe that's why it is. because there aren't really ever any words to explain the true feelings one feels for another person. Just the words that are used to lightly. Its that lost for words that express more then any word in the dictionary can ever do. We will all be at a lost for words one day.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

What have you learned today?

This is something I read from LadyTrina. It is the essence of who I am and what keeps me feeling good about myself.

What have you learned today?

There was a very over weight woman with stained yellow teeth and 6 toes on her left foot who I use to work with in a government job many years ago.She would come in everyday and said "Good Morning" to everyone, even to a girl she knew, a particular person, who would think it was funny to call her in the office by making cow noises.I worked there 8 months and got word that I was being transferred to a different office. My last day I was in the lunch room alone with her. She looked at me and told me I needed to paint my nails to match that really pretty pink shirt I have. Now that the ice was broken I asked her, "Why don't you file a harrassment charge on so and so for treating you like that?" She said, "Girl! I could careless what her or anyone else thinks of me. I know myself, I love myself, I hate no one. Let them, her, say what they feel." She was silent for a minute, then chimed up and said, "besides in 2 weeks I'll be the new office manager."From that day, from her, I learned that confidence and the ability to give compliments are 2 things that makes someone beautiful.

I welcome any critizism, ignorance and jealousy, because:"I don't care what you or anyone else thinks. I know myself, I love myself, I hate no one. Say what you feel!" But, just know, in 2 weeks I could possibly be your office manager. :) Now I ask this, what positive thing have you learned from a different ethnicity?

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Not a Cruch just Something that Respects Me

YOu don't ask then I won't ignore it. I am not going to pu myself in the position of being a burden. The thing I am not saying are the things I know you don't want to hear. Sure I am willing to hear your problems and give you some type of detailed feedback. I respect you. Any person who is willing to try to be my friend is a respected individual in my book. I know you aren't really my friend but the friend of a freind and I come with the package. No my saturdays might be filled up but just n extended invitation to hang out would be a delight, a sign that you are really willing to bemy freind. But I might not be worth it. I now must come to terms thatI have a life and I need to do what I can to worry about what Michael wants and needs and not whats desired of the group. THe HSA menatality is gone. You are on your way out to. I am a passenger not the driver, but I am now taking over this ship and we are headed towards self-enlightenment. I understand we can't always be together or that we have to split so that oneof us is not held down but you know we will always have our memories. I argue to poke fun or to release the sadness pouring from my eyes. But there is that person who will walk into your life and give you meaning. Someone you could give your heart to and hope 89% they are feeling the same. Friends come and go and memories tend to change with age. Sure we're cool but do you really mean it. Alone with my thoughts.....ITs quiet and thats good.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

I miss Prom.

I don't know how the world found itself in the position it is in but things are changing. THis is not political, enviromental, or physical. This is emotional. THe places I have been or the people I went there with are stars in the infinite spaceof my mind. I know the changes are good and the way you take them might not be what you want, but we all set standards or goals that are not to be met. We make them out of the curiousness of the mind. I like change. This change caught me off guard. It will catch you off guard. But now we don't think about and live in the moment. When times are right all will make wrong right. I like this change. I hope you will to.

A Shoo-In

Big papa Luis.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

10 to 4

Things run in circles it may work differently for you and I know I am different. Timing has its perks although akward its its the best feeling of all. When it smiles and no one has the same expression and all you can do is smile back. I don't have to be that man, I know that now. Tried so hard to besomething I wasn't. I know you hav tried but Its not good for you. Sometimes you are the person you have to be even if it is the demon in the mirror. I understand the pain of feeling lonely something you hate but can't help but feel. Not even the friends in the world can change that. They tell you the right person will come around and you shrug that "meaningless" advice off. But I think what they really mean is wait. Wait till they find you. Wait till the lonelyness takes its toll on you to the point where you just stop trying to find that person. At that point you are the lonelyest. Thats what they don't tell you. I admit some don't even make it to that point and some do but never make it out. The relatios might think they know everything but it takes one at his or her lowest point emotionally and mentally to hit the nail on the gun. My point is I won't give up and nether shoud you. I'm just waiting now.

Monday, March 23, 2009


Can't explain the way i feel. Things have changed I think for good.
Something in the air just let up on me.

All I can say is something else has most of my attention!

But I'll never tell lol
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D

There's a corner in your heart for me.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

My Busy Business

OMG!!!!! I can't believe I did this. I miss my blog and things made me do this. Well Classes and Sims 2 (so freaking addicting). I know you must want to know why it took me this long. Well First off SPRING BREAK is here and Houston is not exactly spring weather happy. There ain't a cloud in site and not talking about weather. I am happy.

Relief Comes In Different Shades of Fun

I got a small amount of closure from my 4 year crush. Just to finally find out that she knew this whole time that I liked her(madly liked more like loved), but IT does raise some other alarms. But not going to get into this right now. lol I know you want more.

Sim 2 Is So Freaking Addicting

OMG again!!!! Everyday hours at a time. I can't stop. I have sim-biotic relationship with my Sim. Jacob, Alex, and Summer Legacy moved to the wonderful neighborhood of Pleasantview into a beautiful house on Main street. Weeks later after Jacob got a small pay raise and a promotion from mail room clerk, Him and Alex got busy. 9 Sim days later Lucky Twins Crispin and Brady Legacy became a nice addition to the household. LMAO I will stop there.

Facebook, Jon Crem's Tees, And Pure Adrenaline

My attention is plan and simple. Two babies(on facebook), My Tee Shirt shop(yep), and not getting any sleep lol. As of the Tenth of march a Shirt Shop inspired by my bestie Jared's email is in process of giving me the experience of birth-child-joyness. The Custom Shirt shop will be a major imagination baby for The Crems and I. The no sleep thing I will just have to try to fix that Spring is hibernation season for me lol and the Business stuff is my nut I have to gather for when I am done. My Facebook babies, Mehmed and Myia are the joys of my life. Myia is an adopted baby Jared and I are parenting. Mehmed is a replicated Baby after Mehmed Milanovic. Well Yeah I do my stuff and If I have to vent I will come back although nobody reads this.

A Nick, Norah and Manzy Buzz

Hanging out at the West Loop is fun especially when you meet people like Mel, Miguel, Michael, T.K., Andy, Wendy+ friend, The Starburst Lady, and Luis. It's cool there. I meet Miguel through Manzy and from there we became great friends. It turns out I am his Norah and he my nick. The only person remotely close who has a passion close to mine about Blue October, plus I got him hooked on some songs he didn't know about like; Ingrid, The Lonely Island(now he wants to be called the Jizz Master), and sort of expanded his thoughts on Lily Allen. 

Monday, February 16, 2009

I don't condone violence just in video games

The blunt force trauma, the sick feeling, the sharp pain in the back of my neck hit me all at once. I realized what I wanted for a long time what I really wanted to do was right in front of me. For about four weeks it had been staring me in the face and I didn't even see it. It was about 9th grade I realized that I wanted to be a game designer and thats where I set my eyes on going to Florida. I am here to say I didn't make it to Florida. After 15 grueling minutes of Mr. Aksoy I realized I must stick close to home. Thats where I set my eyes on HCC - West Loop. It wasn't a bad decision I made new friends and decided to take up business as a major. Sure I want to open a coffee shop and go into business with my pals as of this weekend all plans of that are on hold. That sharp pain found my soft spot uncovering the desire half covered. Jenn reveiled to me during Lunch before the Wii Party Tournament that the party was being trown by the DevRev Club of the Department of Game Design and Simulation. What happens now that my old friend I once called a dream came back from almost sudden death. Its a party in my head now I know what I really want to do is now availiable to me so as you probably thought I am now in the process of changing my Major and I feel its the best decision I wanted to make.

Friday, February 6, 2009

I will not forget April 14th

Flying unnoticed I don't know where I am going or what I am looking for, but all I know is I am going nowhere. I enjoy the lavishes of life and the joys of having friends and I love to watch the clouds roll by as it seems to never end. I wise guy once said the scariest thing in the world is not know whats your place in life vicious circle. I don't know what my reason for living is or why I belong here but I often catch myself off guard in the process of over thinking the problems. Is cursing you reason for living on the edge or is cursing making you feel like you like living on the edge. These processes possess me to look further into the likings of others hearts and second guess the true intentions behind their sudden smiles.I wonder are there really people out there that you can truly trust? I am a listener because I feel the second I spill something intimate I will be showing them my weak spot and I get attached. I had my own look-up-to-guy, he left me right after graduation now I wonder if I can ever find someone to replace him because he truly understood the emotions in my head and never once used it against me as a way to get me to do something. I can't stop thinking that if I had the chance to tell him good luck on his journey after high school, if I got the chance to shake his hand one last time, maybe I would feel a whole lot better about the position I am in. But things move on and I must try to come to terms with the decisions we make.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

I am a imposer and I have to be.

I new what I wanted but never spoke up. People disagreed and I let them have their way. What does it take to get three people on the same page while trying to let everyone be happy? its not possible. We won't be on the same length...I know I am the Business guy but I needed help and nobody stepped up to at least understand how important this was for me, for us, no one. I know no pointing fingers. I love my friends I hope they love me. But I guess I now have to do this on my own instead of having them there to back me up, its something I must do. I hate calling the guy and telling him we can't make it because time constraints. Jared told me to call him, so I did. But now we never went when we had the chance to meet with him because he told me to be more business like. I love him for that. But at the same time I hate people telling me things then not helping me follow through sure I might have to wait till the summer for him to come back to town but I need to talk to the contact now or needed to talk to him a week ago. We had the time, but nobody wanted to step foot in that place. So I guess I need to stop imposing business on my friends and keep it to my self. I tried to hold a good business meeting but nobody wants that, sorry for being boring, but I am trying to get somewhere Nothing against you but I needed to get my thought out. I chose you guys because I needed back up and the cheering on I need to do this but for now I here the silence of your voice. Jared you are the rock of the Triple alliance and you rubie are like a sister I never had.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Flying not so high

Sorry guys things have been hectic, but I am here to bring you up to speed.
Things around here were okay until the recent death of our dog, Marley, by
distemper. I get my ID tomorrow yey lol. I can't wait and then hopefully I
start HCC February 14 That would be fun.

This Break I hung with the gang and threw toilet paper at peoples
Just kidding. I did hand with the peoples but no tee-peeing houses. I know You
wish I did but you can't get your way. pool, coffee, visiting our old stomping! We did okay but nothing I really wanted to get done while my bud
was in town for the holidays. But you know things won't go down if you don't put some effort into getting what you want.

We all make mistakes and things change like always you don't remember people's names
but you only remember faces. You fall for the ones you feel more attracted to and that makes it harder for you to trust others again. A true friend always stabs you in the front. Friends leave not something you can get over overnight after you shared everything together. But time moves forward and so must you.

We must make due with what we have because if it still here then that is that is what you must cherish the most.

The Brownies....Much <3