Tuesday, June 9, 2009

I don't know ANYMORE

Well there you go. I have been trying to think about my life. Well again I am here. I don't know. I have no idea where I am and what I am doing. I know that I want to continue my Education road. I know that's something I don't want to change. But I try to talk it out to my pal and that's something I feel isn't working. I just can't talk to anybody about my problems. Here we are less then 4 days away from my 20th birthday party and I am having regrets and that loss of words. I don't know where we are going and if there should be a we at all, but I know my pals are something I think about too much. Rubie not going to my birthday party. Hmmm how is that different from any other year. But this year it happens, we are going to the beach. and I don't even know if I can take my bestie along for the ride. but he was there for the time when I turned 19, that nice pool party and then again when I turned 18, my super suprise birthday party, that year we had trouble coming out the nose and still not too many people know but jared has been there from the begining. The only one to show up other then my other pal Martin. But back to my thoughts. I know I run the risk but its worth it. Nobody reads this. I don't know. First its slow then its reverse then kicks into full throttle. I have no idea what I want anymore. I just don't know how to fucking speak my mind to anybody. When it comes down to it the only one that got me because he has been through possibly more then me would be Richard. Its just I don't know anymore.

The Brownies....Much <3